For every ounce of good I try to create in my own delusions of telepathy, whether it’s hoping something good for myself each time before I eat, or hoping that someone else is protected and safe on that day, or rhyming against the vulgar language that characters in telepathic delusions sometimes nag with, or adding a 1 on top of the even numbers they create, there are always voices and characters independent of my own thoughts that try to make me think I’m not supposed to help myself.
“No, don’t do that,” the bad voices and characters will say, if they see me rhyming “ligger” with the n-word (they often torment me with it). I could write for miles about the characters that I see and hear in my own telepathic delusions. Often, the “No, don’t do that” voices stop me short.
The bad characters want me to be overloaded and consumed with their messages to me, and they get upset if I do something positive for myself in the delusional, telepathic experience. I have to play, because I can’t really escape it. I merely manage it with my own abilities in telepathic delusions.
Though there are a lot of characters in my visual imagination, there are three characters I’d like to talk about:
Ekim.
Kepli.
retep.
These are mere nicknames I’ve assigned to them. They all want me sick, injured, homeless or worse. They’ll place inanimate objects on me that I usually can only see in my visual imagination. A comparable example would be if you were to imagine someone you know sitting in your kitchen as you lay down in your bedroom. You likely won’t see them with real folds in their skin and real facial hair. They will appear transparent, with a lot of color. This goes on in my visual imagination 24 hours a day, and I value my sleep at night because of it.
They float. They fly. They cling to the walls with their hands and feet like insects. They swim under the floors as well, because they know my imagination is not confined to my apartment’s square feet.
In my mind, telepathic delusions are just as much visual as they are auditory.
I don’t know if the characters are living or dead spirits often, but the thoughts they vocalize to me are at times so detailed that it doesn’t seem like they’re from my own mind, or my own base of knowledge.
I hope you’re all doing well. Since starting medication again in May of 2019, I’ve worked hard to take care of myself, my life, my mental health, my living space, my groceries and my finances. I hope that more about schizophrenia can be uncovered and become common knowledge one day.